Father-child relationship, the un-umbilical bond


– Team WisdomWinds, with Deepak K. Dhaka

Relationships form an integral part of our lives. The foundation of an adult life depends on the way they were nurtured as a child. The basic relationship of parents, siblings and friends go a long way in the development of an individual. But, the basic need remains the same, which is to be loved and to be cared for.

With increased usage of technology, expression and development of relationships have also undergone a drastic change. Thus, it has become imperative for young parents to fill the gap with their children in order to overcome the hassles of ego and general unrest in families.

It has been increasingly seen that young parents understand the importance of nurturing relations, especially fathers playing a pivotal in bringing up their child by breaking the traditional Indian conventions.

“For me, the journey to be a father was an enriching one. From the moment I held my child, an internal change occurred with the word ‘responsibility’ magnified to a thousandth time. Over the period, I realised the word responsibility is actually love and care for the world created by you and your better-half. The birth of my child brought forth a really different me, which I was unaware about. It made me realise the need to be part of my child’s life,” says Deepak K. Dhaka, founder of a Chandigarh-based kindergarten school, Kinder Pride.
Deepak further gushes, “I would like to share very proudly that I have been a part of my child’s development all along, from changing his diapers, to his immunization, from choosing his clothes, to making food interesting for him. It was pure pleasure to take care of my bundle of joy. It’s often believed that as the child grows, the need for a parent especially the father decreases, but I realised the job for any parent to be involved in their child’s world is most important. This early age bond will always help your kid to turn to you without any hesitation in their difficult times. Kids will feel comfortable in sharing their life with their fathers.”

While some like Deepak are hands-on fathers, there are others who take time out from their busy schedule for spending quality time with their children. Sujoy Kanjilal, a professional with a firm in Noida says, “I have a very demanding job that requires me to work almost 10-12 hours a day. However, my six-year old son has a keen sense of timing when I get back home. No matter what time I reach home, even if it means 11:00 pm at night, he would wake up wide-eyed and would insist on chatting up with me. The bond that I share with him for those couple of hours is of pure joy. It helps me rejuvenate, while inculcating a bond of trust and love.”

However, as kids grow, they look up to their parents for approval, Deepak K. Dhaka with his two-year old son Eyan appreciation and playfulness. It becomes essential for a family to come forward and adjust their lifestyles accordingly. It helps in the holistic growth of the child. This urge to better the bond with their kids has witnessed a marked shift in the attitude of this generation, especially between father and child.

“When we were kids, our fathers were seen as an authority figure. However, in today’s time, one needs to become a friend of their child for understanding their needs and keeping a tab on their development. One needs to be an equal participant in the child’s growth. Reason why, I like to spend time with my child, getting her do her school task; it allows me to connect with her on a formative level, where I could help in quenching her curiosity, and developing her creativity,” says Sandip Dey, an entrepreneur and father of a three-year-old child.

Similar sentiments are echoed by Bharat Rai Mediratta, Managing Director, Jiwan Books Group, who reiterates that his constant reassurance has helped build great self-confidence in his teenage son Parth Mediratta. On his part, Parth greatly looks up to his father and emulates him.

Further, the need is to define and ensure spending quality time rather than quantity of time with your children. While, one may see a movie or play with toys with their kids, but spending time doing activities like walking together in a park, swimming, or reading etc., would help in getting to understand the kid better. Om Jakhmola, a busy father of twin daughters says, “The moment I step into the house, I have my toddlers hanging at either of my legs. They demand to be pampered and cared for. At that precise moment, I forget all my tensions, stress and tiredness. Being twins, I have tweaked our regular games to include the concepts of teamwork and sharing. As I am a graphic designer by profession, I have also decked up my children’s room with beautiful motifs and cartoons. The sense of doing something creative and out-of-the-league for my children gives me the immeasurable happiness.”

The current generation of parents is conscious, cognisant and sensible. They do not want to repeat the same mistakes of their parents. They do not want to be distant with their children, as older generations were. There are a number of strategies that can be applied for a child’s upbringing; one can be lenient, friendly, strict, more focused on academics or sports. No matter what strategy you think is right, it just can’t be one…it is imperative to mix and match.

As a father, one needs to be open, aware, and patient to listen and discuss all types of issues calmly. They need to provide suggestions or solutions whenever required. It is often seen that teenagers like to handle their problems on their own, and they refrain from discussing them with their parents. Having a strong and a positive relation with your child would help in passing these difficult years with ease. It will be simpler for you and for your child to come through these stages of life more smoothly and further strengthen the bond. One should try to enjoy the journey of this relationship by giving space to each other.

About the author: Deepak K. Dhaka is a father of an adorable two-year-old son. With more than 14 years of academic experience, Deepak is also the founder of a Chandigarh-based kindergarten school, Kinder Pride.